waiting…still waiting

March 21, 2012

I sat in the car, the sun was shining on my face, I didn’t want to think forward and psyche myself out.

I haven’t gotten my confidence back since my fall…I’m working on it but it’s nano steps.

But the car journey, the tea sheltered under bothan reminded me why I love climbing.

The immediacy of reality, how cold the wind is, how warm the sun is, people talking in the distance, the feeling of breathing in and out, all of the now.
Add in beauty, beautiful rock, searching for beautiful movement.

It was cold and I wanted to lead a route,my climbing partners reminded me of baby steps so I was set up with a top rope just in case I needed it and a lead rope and a rack.

I didn’t sag, I didn’t stop, I *could* have lead it.

But all the same…when I can see my foot placement but not feel it because it is so cold I am grateful for my friends who stopped an easy climb becoming something I freaked out on.

Mini-Victory

We divided into two groups, the relaxed group and the pushing it group…it felt strange to be in the relaxed group, fun almost…but there was always a niggle inside me…why wasn’t I pushing it.

We set up a top rope to warm up, by the second route I can feel my fingers twinge, the tendons not quite 100% yet. It only hurts on right handed side pulls, it seems like every route has them, so I climb one route, I try a few more, I go back to the first route and climb it in runners.

The climbing is easy, my brain glitches every time I move though, even on top rope it is like it wants to remind me what went wrong, the hitting the ground, the lying there looking up trying to move my toes. My brain wants me to stop climbing, but something deeper wants me to push it.

It has been months since I have been on mountains and it shows.  A stream crossing has beaten me, I am happy and disappointed.

We leave early, it is cold and we have had fun. Back in the car the other group talk about pushing it, myself and James hold hands, we know what each other is thinking.

No more comfortable, no more waiting. Next time, push it…

Raisin Hell

November 24, 2011

Tomorrow I get to go back to the wall, only for an hour, only top-roping……………

ONLY

But that *ONLY* got me so happy that I sang walking down the street when I left my physio

And that *ONLY* got me giggling to myself as I went for a walk in the dark, in the rain in my mountain hardware monkey man jacket…my first walk other than to the shop to buy food, in about two months.

Tonight I have showered and cut my nails short. I washed myself almost like it was prayer, a prayer that everything would be ok. I ignored the little niggle in my neck, hoping it is just nervous pain.

I have packed my bag and laid out my clothes. My tape for my toes and my scissors to cut it with, my harness and my shoes. My carabiner and belay plate, my chalk bag, my ‘climb-on’.

My clothes are laid out, god I hope they fit still, two months of sitting, eating, waiting for the all clear.

A string top for base, a thin strap top for over it, a baggy tshirt with a washed out moto on the front saying ‘raisin hell’ with a picture of a funky raisin under it. My old, second hand, bobbly, ripped tracksuit trousers.

And I am not even climbing till after lunch tomorrow.

I don’t imagine I will sleep much tonight

Carrot Cake Muffins

November 20, 2011

Inspired by Steph Davis’ Wheat Free Sugar free scones (http://www.highinfatuation.com/scones-vegan-no-wheat-no-sugar/trackback/)

I love muffins for breakfast, warmed with goats butter melted over the top. I usually have them with a pea-protein hot chocolate, perfect for at home breakfasts and snacks on the go 🙂

Recipe:

Brown Rice Flour – 240gm

Buckwheat Flour – 60gm

Flakes (oat, brown rice, millet whatever) – 150gm

Carrot – grated – 100gm (or more depending on taste)

Cinnamon – 1 teaspoon

Xantham gum – 2 teaspoons

Bicarb Soda – 1 teaspoon

Baking Powder – 3 teaspoons

Banana – 1/2 banana (depending on how sweet you like them)

Salt – pinch

SoyYogurt – 400gm

Rice or Soy Milk – 120ml

2 eggs

Mix all the dry ingredients, mix all wet ingredients (beating eggs gently into yogurt). Mix together….This is not a complicated recipe lol the first time I made these I under-cooked them and they were soggy on the inside, next time i cooked them for longer and cooled on a wire rack and they were amazing.

I grease the inside of the muffin tray with oil and spoon mix in to make 12 muffins (I usually have 2 for breakfast). Bake at 180deg for 30-40mins.

EAT