We divided into two groups, the relaxed group and the pushing it group…it felt strange to be in the relaxed group, fun almost…but there was always a niggle inside me…why wasn’t I pushing it.

We set up a top rope to warm up, by the second route I can feel my fingers twinge, the tendons not quite 100% yet. It only hurts on right handed side pulls, it seems like every route has them, so I climb one route, I try a few more, I go back to the first route and climb it in runners.

The climbing is easy, my brain glitches every time I move though, even on top rope it is like it wants to remind me what went wrong, the hitting the ground, the lying there looking up trying to move my toes. My brain wants me to stop climbing, but something deeper wants me to push it.

It has been months since I have been on mountains and it shows.  A stream crossing has beaten me, I am happy and disappointed.

We leave early, it is cold and we have had fun. Back in the car the other group talk about pushing it, myself and James hold hands, we know what each other is thinking.

No more comfortable, no more waiting. Next time, push it…